Place Of Loss

Despite the fact that for almost two months I gave no sign of life, I have to admit that neither my heart nor my soul not yet gone to the “other side”, although the last few weeks often I experienced such an impression.
If you want to be healthy, I advise you to find a different sport – said the middle-aged man with the abbreviation “Dr” before the name. His words echoed loudly in the white cabinet, bouncing off the artificial bones lying on the shelves and hitting straight into my heart. He did not realize that he requires me to something impossible. Climbing for me is not just a sport, hobby or recreation. This is my life, my air, my dream. This is me. Man can not live without a heart, and the heart can not beat without a man. The same relationship exists between me and climbing. If someone wants me to resign from it, then he expects my death.

I definitely did not like these words, but pain of my knees day by day was intensified and I urgently needed medical care. That way, full of hope that somewhere in the world is a cure for me, I came to another doctor. He was much more radical and instructed me to immediate surgery to find the cause of knees pain and its possible removal. This time I did not know if I should laugh or cry. Surgery is usually a last resort and it is recommended after use all of other possible measures. In my case, no one knew what exactly happens to my knees, “radical doctor” did not look at my x-rays, and after 10 minutes of conversation already recommended surgery of my legs…

The worst part was knowing that after the operations (I need two, because I have a problem with two knees) I’d be turned off by climbing and other physical activities for several months. So for almost a year I’d be dead.
Despite all the bad words that I heard, I decided that I will seek to effect a man whose diagnosis will differ from the previous ones, and the method of treatment will allow me to realization of my dreams. Luckily I did not have to wait long, both at the meeting and at the results. First visit the doctor Szponder filled me with hope, and next proved that we never shouldn’t lose it. Doctor filled with empathy and love for the profession, caused that after two weeks of physiotherapy, monthly dosing of medication, use an ointment to knees and rest, is much better than at the beginning! During a recent visit he said that I need a few more injections in my right knee and it should be enough.
I remember the long hours filled with pain, inability to get up from the chair, and tears in which drowned dreams of trips to the Alps. In one moment the stairs have become my Everest, and climbing – a winter entrance on K2 without oxygen, in alpine style, by a new way and in addition – alone. So it was something located on the border of the impossible.
I always knew that although it is difficult to live with this passion, I can not imagine life without it. A year ago, more or less at the same time, I slowly started to lose it. I made a few mistakes, which largely influenced to my health and led me to the point where I was no longer able to climb. Then I lost almost everything I worked hard for, and after returning I had to start over. However, I gained life experience, which somehow enriched me. My only regret is that it was such a large expense.
Now again I found myself in a place of loss. For other reasons than a year ago, but again by my fault. This time it was mainly overtraining.

While some of physiotherapeutic treatments, connected to a devices unknown to me, I was alone in a small, almost claustrophobic room. I had then a lot of time for reflection, which mainly focused on climbing. That was when I realized how much it means to me, how much I need it. I felt that it is the love of my life.


Oh, how good that we are able to love. What would life be if we did not have that skills? If we were not able to fully experience this feeling? Nothing, absolutely nothing...
And finally came the day when I could wear climbing shoes and get off the ground. Those moments no one is able to steal from me, as well as the joy of life, which they bring.






5 thoughts on “Place Of Loss

  1. I do not know you but believe I can imagine what you mean. When I feel good I dream of big climbing achievement, of technical improvements, training plans… But life has ups and downs and more often I am really grateful for the times I can be happy simply because I am stil able to climb and enjoy it. We are frail and we are humans, afterwards it is always easy to say “I knew it”, “it is my fault”, “I was too stubborn or too greedy”. Hold on and never give up!


    1. Thank you for those words. You’re right – first of all we should be filled with gratitude. We are passing and we break up, so therefore we need to appreciate every moment in which we are strong and able to do what we really love.
      I wish you the same! Be strong and enjoy every moment of life! ๐Ÿ™‚


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